Sunday, April 15, 2007


Bureau of Caucazoidal Affairs

The “Bureau of Caucazoidal Affairs”

United Red Indigenous Nations (URIN) are proud to announce that it has bought the state of Wyoming from the whites and is throwing it open to Indian settlement. URIN bought Wyoming from three winos found wandering around near downtown Cheyenne. URIN decided the winos were the spokesmen for the white people of Wyoming. These winos promptly signed the “2007 Treaty of Cheyenne”, which was written in the Dakota “Sioux” language. Wyoming was purchased for one bottle of gin, two bottles of wine, and three cases of cheap beer.

Leonard Peltier, the new “Commissioner of Caucazoidal Affairs”, has announced the following new policies from his jail cell where he sits as a “prisoner of undeclared war” by the u.s. government for committing the act of “self defense” against attacking rookie FBI agents, in violation of the 1851 Treaty and the U.S. Constitution.

Indigenous Peoples are awarding four different land areas for which to “concentrate” the whites (but instead of calling them “concentration camps”, they will be called “reservations”), with each female, white, head of family getting one acre. Each reservation resident will get a specific “reservation number” and must use and meet stock-breeding blood quantification guidelines.

The “surplus” land left over (50% of the original reservation) will be opened up Indigenous Citizenry for homesteading purposes.

The reservations will be surveyed at the following locations:
Rez 1) Death Valley
Rez 2) The Utah Salt Flats
Rez 3) The Badlands of South Dakota
Rez 4) The Yukon in Alaska

These lands shall belong to the whites “for as long as the sun shines or the grass grows” (or until the Indians want it back). All land on the reservations, of course, will be held in trust for the whites by the “Bureau of Caucazoidal Affairs” (BCA), and any white who wants to use his land in any way must secure permission from Mr. Peltier.
Of course, whites will be allowed to sell trades and handicrafts at stands by the highway. Each white will be provided annually with one blanket, one pair of tennis shoes, a supply of Spam, and a copy of “Noble Red Man” and “Red Earth, White Lies.”

If a white man is competent enough, he will be able to be a BCA reservation superintendent. Applicants must have less than one year of education, must not speak English, must have an authoritarian personality, proof of dishonesty, and a certificate of incompetence. No whites need apply.
Commissioner Peltier also announced the founding of four boarding schools, to which white youngsters will be sent at the age of three. “We want to take those kids far away from the backward culture of their parents.” Peltier said.

The schools will be located at the following sites:
a) Alcatraz Island
b) Florida Everglades
c) Point Barrow, Alaska
d) Hong Kong

All courses will be taught in the Dakota language and there will be demerits for anyone caught speaking English. All students arriving at the school will immediately be given IQtests to determine their understanding of Indigenous Language and hunting skills. No student will be allowed to have “helmet-looking” short hair and eventually must wear their hair in neatly combed braids. When they first arrive at the schools, they will be doused with a mixture of turpentine and red paint in attempts to correct their skin tone while removing the various fungi and molds form the children’s inferior hides.

CHS Hospitals will be established for the reservations as follows: Whites at Death Valley may go to the Bangor, Maine Hospital; those at the Utah Salt Flats may go to Juneau, Alaska Hospital; those at the Yukon may go to the Miami Beach Hospital; and those at the Badlands may go to the Hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii. Each hospital will have a staff of two part-time doctors and a part-time chiropractor who have all passed first aid tests. Each CHS hospital will be equipped with a scalpel, a jack knife, a saw, a modern tourniquet, and a large bottle of aspirin.

Eventually, these CHS hospitals will be phased out once enough whites are relocated to the country and become good, self-sufficient hunters and once enough Indigenous men breed with enough non-indigenous white women in order to lower the white’s blood quantum levels.

In honor of the whites, many cities, landmarks, and commercial products will be given traditional white names, like hemorrhoid hill, genocide river, invasion valley, etc. Four school and sporting team mascots will be available to the whites for which to name their schools/teams, and are as follows:
1) The Imperialists
2) The Nazis
3) The Rapers
4) The Impotent Perverts

One famous Indian movie director, Chris Eyre, has announced that in his upcoming film, “Indians Punked Custer”, he will use many actual whites to play the parts of soldiers, speaking real English. The part of Custer, however, will be played by noted Indian actor, Wes Studi.

The barbaric white customs will, of course, not be allowed. Whites will not be allowed to practice their heathen religions (i.e., mass, church, xmas, easter bunny, etc.). They will, however, be required to attend Indigenous ceremonies and must respect Grand Mother Earth and Grand Father Sky. Missionaries will be sent from each Indigenous Red Nation to convert the whites on the reservations. White churches will either be made into amusement parks or museums or will be torn down and the bricks and ornaments sold as souvenirs and curiosities.

(; updated and enhanced from the original Lee Brightman BCA article)

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